Finding My Calling

I've had a lot on my mind lately.
Sometimes I feel so content but often I am thinking about what the future will look like.
I know I am meant to be a teacher. I love my job and I love my school.
But there are so many roads one can take just in teaching.
I love being in the classroom and the order and the routine matched with unpredictable moments. It truly is the best job in the world to me.
My passion for the kids is what drives me. I love listening to them and talking with them and showing them how important they are. I love being an encouragement and a challenge. I love when they come to me and I get to be a part of their journey in life and learning. It is fun. I know that sounds like a weak way to describe it. But I really do have fun doing that.
I love that even though I have days that I want to quit, or I get mad at one kid or another or allof them, I love knowing that tomorrow is fresh and new and we get to start over. I love working with them on how to have healthy relationships with their friends and relating everything we talk about to God. I love when I am teaching a lesson and God permeates every inch of it and they get so pleasantly surprised that God found his way into our discussion about...character types or The Great Gatsby. I love this job almost but not nearly as much as my family.
I hate grading and always will, but that really is the only consistent downfall to this job.
I have such a great desire to make an impact which is hard because most of the time even if you do make an impact, you never get to know or see the fruits. But I don't care about that. I really love my students and really love watching the individual change and grow and struggle.
So what's my dilemma?
I have a masters in education, which aside from a slight financial increase, hasn't done much for my classroom experience.
I know that my education is not complete.
I want to go back to school, but I have no idea for what degree.
I have so many things yet to do.
Here are the things I am considering:
1. A masters in English (I love the subject and could teach this for a long time)
2. A masters so I can do school counseling (but, can I handle the emotional rollercoaster of dealing with so many problems?)
3. A PhD in something educational which would allow me to teach teachers how to be teachers.
I definitely see myself at the college level someday but even that is such a broad spectrum of possibilities that I don't know where to start.
This is a plea to all who have gone before me and figured this out. How do you know what to choose now to plan for later?
I have to make wise choices because there are two more college students in the making that I have to plan for as well.
I need wisdom and inspiration.

Carnivores 101

I like meat.
I'm not ashamed to admit it or enjoy a good steak or some yummy seafood.
Grace is a very...inconsistent eater. She likes most everything, it's just getting her to stop moving her mouth long enough to actually get food from the plate to her belly that is very difficult.
So we went to Ruby's.
Grace
Ella
Me
and my sister, Michelle
We are eating our food and chatting happily.
Grace eat your chicken (which is a plain chicken breast chopped up and some apples)
She continues to chat
Grace eat your chicken please.
More chatting.
GG (that's our nickname from "Gracie Girl"), honey, I need you to eat your lunch please.
More chatting.
Grace. Please eat some chicken now.
Okay mom. (she picks up a piece and begins to inspect it)
She then holds up the piece of chicken breast and says,
"Why did they kill this chicken for me to eat?"
I stare frozen in a carnivorous moment of space and time.
Michelle has to turn away.
I say, "that chicken or any chicken?"
(the reason I asked, was to A. allow myself more time to formulate an answer and B. to make sure I am answering the right question. Kind of like when your kid asks where babies come from and all they really want you to say is from a mommy's tummy and not info on the birds and the bees)
she says any chicken.
I say, "well, God made all of the animals for us to take care of but also to eat. Chicken is good for you."
She says, Oh, vegetables are good for you too.
Yes, they are.
Yeah, but you don't have to kill vegetables.
Nope...
I breath a sigh of relief hoping that I have answered the question "properly" in her terms.
A couple nights later we are having more chicken. She picks up a piece of chicken breast that is pointy and asks, "is this the beak?"
I have never felt so guilty for eating meat!
She has completely changed the way I eat because every time I eat meat of any kind now, I think about what it looked like whole and picture her voice asking why we killed these animals to eat them.
But the sound of a steak right now sounds amazing, so I guess I'm not completely ruined.

When Bad Choices Slap You in the Face

Okay so Sundays are my worst day. I have all of this extra time to get ready and Eric is gone but somehow we (the girls and I) are late almost every week.
SO this last Sunday I was knew I needed a shower and Ella was asleep.
Grace and I were watching a kid show. I decided this was my moment to run and shower.
I never let Grace watch TV alone because I want to monitor everything she sees.
But I really needed a shower so I told her I was going to run and shower.
I forgot to tell her to turn the TV off when the show was done so she didn't.
Well, I run and shower and then I run back out to make sure the show is either off or needing to be turned off.
I get out to the living room to find my child riveted by something on the TV.
Its the news.
I turn the TV off and she looks up at me to say and I quote.
"Mom, you only need three cleaners (holds up three fingers). One for the stove, (one finger up), one for the kitchen, (two fingers up), and one for the bathroom (third finger goes up). BAM! (that's the name of the product). It's so easy."
I recover from what I have just heard and ask her where she heard this.
"Oh on a commercial. I love commercials. You should try this cleaning stuff."
This is why I monitor what she watches and why I never let her watch commercials.
Can you imagine what will happen to our lives when she sees a Barbie commercial?!
Whoever marketed that cleaning product was genius because they got a 4 year old to want it.

Okay, bad mom moment number two.
My kid says "Like" constantly.
I can blame this on no one but myself. I say it way too much.
She and I have made a deal that we have to call each other out on it whenever we say it. I know I will go nuts with her nagging me about this, but I have to stop for the sake of my child.
She already thinks she is 40 so if she is going to be sooo mature, I am going to have to get her to stop sounding like a 13 year old Bop in her speech.
And I guess I should sound more grown up too.

My New Hippie Pouch

I just got a new baby carrier.
One day I was walking with the kids and saw a lady with a baby on her back. It was a really cool baby carrier. So I asked her about it and she raved for like 10 minutes about how great it is.
So a couple of months later when I was tired of my "Ultimate Baby Wrap" that takes a year to put on and get right, I looked it up online and we got one. I LOVE IT!!
It is comfy and sturdy and according to the promo video, I can even carry Grace in it if I want.
There is an instructional video that comes with it and I feel that I have left California and have landed myself on a hippie commune.
I have also stopped shaving my legs, eating processed food and have my own nature garden on our porch. Next I shall stop using electricity and will walk everywhere. I can now because I can carry Ella just like the people of long long ago in the days of yore.
I am most excited about how easy it is to put on and how comfy it is to wear and that I now have a whole new demographic of folks to become friends with.
You should check it out if you have kids and you are interested in becoming one with nature.
No offense hippies everywhere.

The Apple Doesn't Fall Far From the Tree

Last night at Grace's Back to School Night, her teacher told a story about the students helping each other. She was explaining that she will always help the kids with things, but wants them to try it on thier own first.
She said that one student was really struggling and that they kept asking for the teacher to come do it for them but she kept asking them to try it on thier own.
Well, another student decided that she should step in and help. So she marched over the sad student and proceeded to "help" them with their work.
That was Grace. The helper.
She is so Eric and I.
We are both take charge, help others people.
Only, we are usually in charge and have been called to jobs that require us to step in when someone is struggling.
I love that Grace was being helpful, but I also blushed a little that it was my kid that decided that she had to take over for the teacher.
Grace is rarely malicious, but often bossy and dominating.
Afterward I was talking to her teacher about it and she said, "Grace will be fine as long as we can teach her the difference between being a leader and just another bossy broad."
That's my kid, the bossy broad (for now).
She gets that from Eric.

My Least Favorite Day

I have Back to School Night tonight. I hate this night. Every year I dread it.
It is not the parents (although some years it is).
It is not being at school late at night.
I hate hate speaking in front of adults.
By day I am a confident, eloquent guide for the future of our country.
By night, a bumbling idiot.
Whenever I have to speak in front of adults, I suddenly feel like a five year old in a room full of giants.
This is when I am reminded of the fact that public speaking is such a big deal to people.
I think I get these expectations that I think they will have stuck in my head and let it overwhelm me.
I have never blown it or failed, or left feeling like it was horrible (except once) and yet, every year I just don't like this night.
I am not scared or worried, just red-faced and sweaty.
It is a strange thing the way your mental state can control your body like that.
It makes me love my job of being with students so much more.
I know that I am not alone in this and that most teachers don't love this night either.
Last night we went to the Back to School Night at Grace's school.
I loved it because I could tell the teachers were feeling the same way as I do tonight.
Even the ones who have been doing this for 20+ years.
I also loved seeing her classroom all set up and imagining her playing and learning and having so much fun.
I love my kids.
I love my husband and I love my job except Back to School Night.=)

My Favorite Time of the Year

I love the beginning of the school year.
I have always loved the start of school and all that it entails.
Every year I look forward to getting that special outfit for the first day of school and the best part of all? The trip to Staples.
I get all tingly inside when I walk in and they have all of their special school stuff set up. I LOVE walking through the aisles rummaging through all of the fun supplies. I am a school supplies junkie. This year I got folders for each of my units that I teach and special clips for my TA that tell her what is to be filed and what is to be graded or copied. I have a labelmaker to put labels on EVERYTHING. Poor Grace she has been completely afflicted with my OCD ways. She loves labels and organization almost as much as I do.
I am also very passionate about color coordination.
I love purple. It makes me happy.
Purple pens, purple folders, purple sticky notes and note pads.
Pink is a close second.
I get great fulfillment from making my school year purchases, taking them to my classroom and setting everything up. I empty my desk out at the end of each year into a crate so that I can reorganize my desk for the new year.
This year was my best first day of school ever. I have no idea what was different, but I finished the day feeling so pleased. I have great kids. This year I am teaching 1 English 1(9th grade) and 3 English 2(10th grade) classes. I have many kids that I had last year. I was actually really nervous about that but it has turned out great.
I love my job. I get so excited about what I am teaching. This year it is my goal to teach my students the art of quality vs. quantity.
It's the hap-happiest season of all!!
Oh, here are a couple pictures of my room this year. I share a classroom with my phenomenal friend, Becca (she is the cutie in the picture above) and the one who got someone to paint our room and we did all of our decorating together. We are a great team. Ronnage!!
The bottom picture is just of my desk. We coordinated all of our colors and got chandeliers and decorated with our own photography/works of art.
Yes, we do have the coolest best looking room on campus, hands down.

The Most Beautiful Addiction or The Glory of Cardboard

I have a confession. I am completely addicted to coffee. The pathetic part of this is that I am not addicted to the flavor of coffee or the aroma or even the caffeine. Those are all secondary addictions to a far-surpassing issue.
It starts when I wake up in the morning. A hundred times a day it comes to mind. My hand starts to itch, crave, long for the feeling of that warm perfectly textured cardboard cup (with sleeve). There are few things (okay, probably an over-statement) that can compare to the feeling of walking around with a cup of hot coffee/latte/mocha even tea will suffice, in my hand.
I love how toasty my hand gets. I love it. It is a small joy when I am getting up before 5am every day. I have many things in my life that make me happy, but there is something about a hot togo cup that puts a little extra spring in my step.
And, in case you were wondering, there IS a heirarchy of cup quality. Not because of the quality of the coffee inside. Starbucks definitely has the best feeling by far. Perfect cup thickness and weight with a sleeve that stays in place and is designed to line up perfectly with the logo on the cup.
*That has to do with an another issue of mine. Another post for another day.
Then there is the CoffeeBean but their cups are a little too thin.
We have to go cups at home but they are way too thick but much cheaper than a daily visit to a coffee place.

Why Babies R Us is bad for my self-esteem

I will start by saying that despite the state of my house, I really am a perfectionist inside. I have these grand ideas of being organized and perfectly neat. I love innovative and creative ideas for keeping things in order.
This is why I hate Babies R Us. This is a store that for all of the money you possess, can organize and simplify your life in ways you never dreamed.
I consider myself to be a reasonably intelligent person. I even have good ideas...often.
But one step inside of that store and you quickly realize that there are many many more people in this world with better ideas. This place has an invention for EVERYTHING and really that is what you should expect in a specialty store. But in case you were pleased enough just to see the value in one of these inventions and make the purchase, they have to broadcast all over the wrapping that some average Joe (or Joan in most of these cases) had a an idea and did something about it faster than you could have and now they are millionaires and you are wasting money(don't let their fancy packaging fool you, according to our mothers, they were the female MacGyvers of their time) on something that will put more money in their pocket and really not change your life very much at all.
For example, I thought I was very clever in using one of Grace's toys to hang my purse from on the stroller. Well, now for just $7.99, you can have a specially made hook ergonomically designed just for purses and Suzy homemaker who "invented" this thing laughs all of the way to the bank. Why is she laughing? Because she knows that for free I could get twice the use out of an old toy but instead I am going to be a lemming and purchase her "specially designed to fit all strollers" hook!
So I spend the money and now I not only have a special place for my purse, I get to be reminded of how much more clever she than me ever time I use it.
The end result being a lower self-esteem. This is why we can't have anymore kids, the fewer amount of years spent in that devil=store, the better for my self-esteem.

So this is my blog (a disclaimer)

I'm not gonna lie, I'm not at all sure why I am doing this except that I truly love my husband. Actually, I have always wanted to be a writer but I am lazy and tend to get off topic. This could be good because I can be as random as I like. I feel like I should warn...you(whoever you might be) that I am neurotic and spicy.
I don't care what people think, but I care a great deal.
I am vain and critical and overly opinionated but I am equally curious, compassionate and reflective.
That's what this is. It is an archive of my journey. I love thinking of life that way because then there are no fatal errors, just wrong turns.
I am always proud of the fact that I have not made any major mistakes in my life, but then I am forced to admit that instead I have made millions of tiny errors that I usually can't let go of. There is something about me that tells me that I am normal and yet completely singular.
So this is not going to be fancy, at least not yet.
It is going to be me.
I want to share my experiences but I also want to take a look back roads long since abandoned. Sometimes I will be verbose and sometimes I will be blunt and sometimes I will not make any sense at all.
This is a disclaimer of sorts to make sure that reading this is not about anything but your own curiosity.